12:27 p.m. - 2004-11-01
Damn
Just as soon as I feel good about my position in this BS tug-o-war with Jeff, I do something to screw it up.
I went over early yesterday, expecting him to still be asleep, to drop off his things. He was awake.
There were no ugly words exchanged...nothing like that...but as I was walking out, he grabbed me and started touching me, kissing me, etc.
I said no, but he wouldn't listen, so I asserted myself and pulled away. Then I put my hand on his chest and said 'what I need from you is here, not that.' and I turned and left.
Great, right? WRONG.
I called him today to tell him I would drop off the remainder of his things later this week, and totally lost the upper hand. I hate it when I do that.
I even told him I wanted to drop off a video for him. I sincerely would like his to watch it. It's a Mars/Venus thing and I think it would help in his future relationships, as this one is too far gone for recovery.
But I just ended up looking like a stupid cow.
I don't really miss him that much. For some reason this morning wasn't great, but I'm not sad. Or lonely. Just kinda blah.
Tonight my friend Jay is cooking dinner for me on his new grill. So nice! Perhaps that will make me feel better.

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